Confessions of a Dirty Girl in Cancun

SocialSlut July 16, 2012 2

Last week I went to Cancun. Then I blinked and now I’m back at my desk at BangBros.

I have a love/hate relationship with vacations. I love going and I hate coming back. Vacations are never long enough (that’s what she said) and I’m usually too drunk to remember the “memories” I made.

All in all I can’t complain. I spent the last 8 days in paradise wearing close to nothing, tanning my ta-tas and making fools out of young vacation goers. I lost my voice from yelling “SHOTS!” 5 nights in a row and I still haven’t gotten it back. I passed out on local city buses, lobby couches, and beaches outside of hotels that weren’t mine. I probably still have sand in places where the sun don’t shine. My hand hasn’t stopped shaking since I stopped drinking and my biological clock is still set on 5 o’clock somewhere-else.

So I’m allowing myself to relive my vacation and all the dirty details here, killing two birds with one stone:

1. It makes me look like I’m doing something.

2. Hopefully our readers find my dirty girl antics amusing and continue to follow our blog.

After I arrived at my hotel, the bell boy told me to change into my suit and head down to the pool for the open bar welcome party. An open bar usually leads to open legs, so I made my way to the party just in time to join the conga line. 4 drinks and 30 minutes later, I was bent over backwards competing for the title of limbo champion. Thanks to my extreme flexibility and a slight nip-slip, I won!

Later, I met a club promoter named Pablo who took my friends and I to Coco Bongo for some drinking and dancing. We made it up on stage where they blew air underneath us so our dresses flew up to our faces, exposing our barely-there underwear. We couldn’t be bothered and continued to shake what our mommas gave us.

As the days began to blur together, we met an Australian man who’s sexiest feature was his thick accent. That seemed to be enough for my girlfriend Heather as she dropped to her knees and sucked him off in the room we shared. Luckily for that skank, I work in porn, so I made some popcorn and leaned back to watch the show.

The following night, my girls and I made it to this newer club called Mandala. Word of caution – DON’T GO THERE. Everyone that works for that club is an ass wipe with no respect for American girls looking to get their pussies wet. Talk about major cock blockers! We left that P.O.S. club and crossed the street to hit up Dady’O. Before we knew what was happening, 3 of us were on stage for a wet t-shirt contest. I blacked out shortly after that, but I heard we lost.

Most of my days were spent drinking, passing out, waking up, then rolling over. I think it’s safe to say this trip was a success. I’m tanner than the African guy in my office and I sound like the 65 year old security guard downstairs who’s been smoking for 50 years.

To the city of Cancun – I’ll be back for you.

 

2 Comments »

  1. Joey California July 16, 2012 at 8:31 PM - Reply

    How is this different from your life here in Miami?

    • SocialSlut July 16, 2012 at 8:33 PM - Reply

      ooo he has jokes

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