Dirty Girl’s Guide to Weddings

SocialSlut August 28, 2012 2

If you are a hopeless romantic that thinks weddings are a magical place where you could meet your future spouse, then this article isn’t for you. If you’re a true dirty girl, a wedding symbolizes an open bar and groomsman to bang.

I went to a wedding this weekend and as I suspected, there was plenty of single dick and pussy to go around. It’s no secret that weddings make people horny. At a wedding, everybody appears much more attractive than they do in every day life. This could be because of the mass amounts of alcohol flowing through everyone’s body or because everyone dresses their best at these types of parties. Some might go as far as saying that essence of love in the air just makes them want to be close to someone else, even if for just one night.

As soon as the ceremony begins, a true dirty girl is already observing the crowd. She’s looking for a sexy man who’s sitting with other guys or doesn’t have a ring on his finger. At the reception, the DJ starts to play that funky music and everyone crowds on the dance floor to get in a good grind. This is when I start narrowing down my options based on who’s got rhythm and who doesn’t. Let’s face it, if they can’t keep you moving on your feet, they’ve got slim chances to rock your sheets.

When you’re ready, make your move. Get this guy on the dance floor with you and your group so he feels comfortable. Slowly separate yourselves from the rest so it’s obvious you want some alone time. Make sure you are making an effort to subtly touch his shoulder, his hair, and his chest. After the adrenaline is pumping and endorphins are high, bring him in real close so he can hear you over the music. Push your hips into his and say, “We should get some fresh air.” If it isn’t clear to him at that point, you’ll have to be bold. Drop hints about wanting to fuck at all of your friends’ weddings. Make a comment that your fantasy is to have a guy named [insert his name here] cum on your stomach before they cut the cake. Throw the idea out there. The worst that can happen is he throws it right back. But he won’t.

The location for this sexual rendezvous is irrelevant. Whether it’s in a coat closet, the hotel pool, or if it’s a hotel room bang, the goal is to get it in before the reception is over. That way if you didn’t like it, you still have time to make a new selection and ditch the old one.

Fear not dirty girls, tonight is your night to look hot, dance like a champ, drink your body weight in wine, and fuck someone you’ve probably never met and don’t ever have to see again. Cheers!

2 Comments »

  1. Joey California August 28, 2012 at 8:30 PM - Reply

    I got to get to more weddings

  2. 2nutsShortofasack August 29, 2012 at 9:36 PM - Reply

    Come to mine, got a new one every year or so.

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