You Think Hot, We Think Not: Part 1

SocialSlut February 5, 2014 110

One of my favorite sayings in the whole world came from one of my ex’s after he asked me to slap him during sex.

Different strokes for different folks.

It’s a great saying. It means everything is situational. That being said, I’ve surveyed a variety of women who all have different tastes. Here is a list of the most common things men have done in bed that some ladies could do without:

1. IMMEDIATE LIP BITING

Guys…guys. I feel like I shouldn’t need to say this, but apparently there’s enough of a misunderstanding that I guess I must. When you initially hook up with someone, you’re supposed to learn a little about them. Take some time to find the right speed for both of you, the right angles, the right kiss? To hear women complain that a man went from a sweet kiss to biting till her lip bled is a little unsettling. You should be able to tell what pace your partner is at. Not everyone is in to biting, so you should definitely feel it out before going for blood. By then it’s too late. Lip biting can be pretty hot. But it won’t be if you’re the only one that’s into it.

2. DICK PIC

My rule of thumb for this when my guy friends ask me for advice: Unless she is ASKING for a dick pic, do not I repeat DO NOT send her a dick pic. An unexpected naked pic of a girl you’re interested in is almost always acceptable, for men. Guys are visual and like when a girl is comfortable in her own skin. But women take more effort to get in that mindset. If we are out grocery shopping and you send a dick pic? We are unsuspecting and next thing you know, clean up in Aisle 7. Use your words to stimulate your chick. Sexy photos that leave something to the imagination are okay too. Women have powerful minds. We don’t need to see your dick to want it. So unless she asks for it, better to keep it tucked away.

3. TONGUE IN EAR

Okay, I know people get really turned on by this. But me personally? NO. This happened to me ONE time and the rest of the session, all I really wanted to penetrate me was a Q-tip in my ear. So gross. Now anytime someone is kissing my neck and makes their way towards my ear, I quickly flip them over so they can’t put their tongue where it’s not wanted. Consider me SCARRED FOR LIFE.

4. THE “I’M HORNY” COMMENT

Is this a guy’s version of foreplay? We get it, there’s something poking us from your pants that says this for you. If you’re going to talk during a hook up, make sure it’s something clever, sexy and keeps the mood going. If you say, “I’m horny” – the chick is going to look at you like yeah, I know. What did you think we were doing here?”

5. AGGRESSIVE FINGERING

If a girl is asking you to do it harder, faster, whatever… fine. But if your girl did not ask for aggressive behavior… ease her into it. Women like a MAN in bed, not an animal. Fine line, yes. You have to make sure you’re still tending to her needs and reading her body. There’s nothing worse than taking your pants off, getting excited to feel someone touch you, and then BAM. You wish you could escape the death grip and the soreness you know is inevitable for your victimized pussy. Don’t make us fear the finger!

6. JACK RABBIT

It is my personal belief that men like this…just can’t help themselves. This isn’t the first blog, and it certainly won’t be the last, to point out that women DO NOT LIKE THIS! I’m not saying you have to be sensual and make love every time. But do make sure you’re on the same rhythm and you’re not the only person getting joy out of this. You’ll know because you’ll look down at your girl, and her face will look like this:

7. SEXUAL FENG SHUI

So I am sad to report that there are grown men who still live like boys! Yes, it’s true. There comes a time in all of our lives when we realize we aren’t as young as we’d like to be. As a porn marketer who loves Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, girls with fat asses, and smoking tons of weed…I had to come to terms with this as well. I’m 25 and I needed to take down all the college posters of drugs/hot chicks and put away the TMNT memorabilia years ago. That being said, if you’re a guy and you’re entering/in/leaving your college years, it’s okay to have posters of hot girls or stupid shit on your walls. That is totally a bachelor lifestyle. But after college…unless you want to remain a bachelor, it’s time to take them down. A girl does not want to be on your bed and throw her head back, only to see something like this:

8. SPITTING ON THAT VAG

Let me explain before everyone jumps down my throat on this one. The contributor for this explains that she finds it offensive. I could see that. And in all honesty, if that pussy isn’t wet enough.. you’re not doing it right in the first place, or she’s just not that into you. Spitting should be reserved for a girl you know likes to get nasty. Maybe she spit on you first? Whatever the signs, you probably shouldn’t assume spitting is okay if your girl isn’t wet enough without it. Just slobber all over her instead. Less vulgar than getting hawked on.

9. HITTING THE CLIT

Sometimes people find pleasure in pressing down on a woman’s clitoris. Keep in mind that this is a very sensitive area. As my contributor put it, “It’s a clitoris not a fucking video game button. This is not Call of Duty, don’t press so hard!” It’s always safe to be gentle first. If she wants it harder, she’ll more than likely be vocal about it.

1o. UNEXPECTED ANAL PLAY

Again, some women are into this. But most women prefer to be prepared than surprised in this aspect. You should make sure she will welcome the added intimacy rather than be startled and ruin the whole mood.

Remember, it’s okay to ASK before you ACT. See if your partner is into this stuff. No reason to be adventurous before that necessary discussion, or you could find yourself solo doing the knuckle shuffle.

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